FYI

After reading my latest blog post, a dear friend of mine sent along something that helped her when she transitioned back to America after being in Jerusalem for the year with the ECLA's Young Adult in Global Mission Program. I've adapted the list to fit my situation and have added some reflections. (I also replaced YAGM with Colleen!)

Some Suggestions for Helping your Colleen Return Home

1. Don’t ask the question, “So how was it?” Your Colleen cannot function in one-word answers right now, especially ones intended to sum up their entire year’s experience, and being asked to do so may cause them to start laughing or crying uncontrollably. Ask more specific questions, like “Who was your closest friend?” or “What did you do in your free time?” or “What was the food like?” or “Tell me about your typical day.” I feel its common knowledge that I don't tell stories quickly, so if you ask how it was, you had better pull up a rocking chair. It may be a while.

2. If you wish to spend time with your Colleen, let her take the lead on where to go and what to do. Recognize that seemingly mundane rituals, like grocery shopping or going to the movies, may be extremely difficult for someone who has just spent a year living in a country that does not speak English. One former YAGM, for example, faced with the daunting task of choosing a tube of toothpaste from the 70-odd kinds available, simply threw up in the middle of the drugstore. I do not anticipate vomiting anywhere, but I did almost cry when in the SMALL grocery section of a Mark & Spencer's in Warsaw. Suddenly being able to read and understand everything is very overwhelming. I have not been able to understand most of my environment so complete comprehension is going to be sensory overload

3. Expect some feelings of jealousy and resentment. Relationships that form during periods of uncertainty and vulnerability (the first few months in a foreign country, for example) form quickly and deeply. The fact that your Colleen talks non-stop about her friends from Poland doesn’t mean that she doesn't love you, too. It simply means that she is mourning the loss (at least in part) of the deep, meaningful, important relationships that helped them to survive and to thrive during this last year. In this regard, treat them as you would anyone else mourning a loss. I know that I couldn't have made it through the year without the support of my both my home and Europe people. I love everyone.


4. Asking to see photos of your Colleen’s year in service is highly recommended, providing you have an entire day off from work. Multiply the number of photos you take during a week’s vacation, multiply that by 52, and you understand the predicament. If you have an entire day, fine. If not, take a cue from number 1 above, and ask to see specific things, like students, travels or friends. Better yet, set up a number of “photo dates,” and delve into a different section each time. Given the high percentage of people whose eyes glaze over after the first page of someone else’s photos, and the frustration that can cause for someone bursting with stories to tell, this would be an incredible gift. I've included a good spread of my photos in my presentation to be shared with my congregation and at camp. Maybe ask to see this, even if it feels silly because it is just the two of us.

5. At least half the things that come out of your Colleen’s mouth for the first few months will begin with, “In Poland” (which is ironic because all I talk about here is "In America. . . .") This will undoubtedly begin to annoy the crap out of you after the first few weeks. Actually saying so, however, will prove far less effective than listening and asking interested questions. Besides, you can bet that someone else will let slip exactly what you’re thinking, letting you off the hook. I feel this is similar to the "At camp. . . ." stories that everyone has already put up with from me. I have also tried to keep up with some American pop culture things so we can talk about this too, mainly Glee, Grey's Anatomy, and The Bachelorette.

6. That said, speak up when you need to! Be assertive enough to create the space to share what has happened in your life during the last year. This one is really important to me! I want to know what is happening in your life! I know several friends have said, "I feel so connected to you because I read your blog." I'm so thankful for that fact, but at the same time, if I'm not reading your blog, I don't necessarily feel so connected. And I want to be! Your stories are JUST AS IMPORTANT as mine.


7. Perhaps you had hopes, dreams, and aspirations for your Colleen that were interrupted by her year of service. If so, you may as well throw them out the window. A large percentage of returning missionaries make significant changes to their long-term goals and plans. Some of them have spent a year doing something they never thought they’d enjoy, only to find themselves drawn to it as a career. Others have spent a year doing exactly what they envisioned doing for the rest of their lives, only to find that they hate it. Regardless of the direction your Colleen takes when they return, rejoice! This year hasn’t changed who they are; it has simply made them better at discerning God’s call on their lives. Don't worry- I am still seminary bound! LTSP here I come!

8. Go easy on yourself, and go easy on your Colleen. Understand that reverse culture shock is not an exact science, and manifests itself differently in each person. Expect good days and bad days. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Pray. Laugh. Cry. This too shall pass, and in the end, you’ll both be the richer for it.

I hope that this is helpful and that it can provide some insight into what I will be going through over the coming weeks and I move back to America. It's going to be a beautiful, joyous, exciting, but messy time! And today I can say, that I am truly looking forward to it!

Blessings,
Colleen